Ok so here we go TIME what the fuck! I'm not gonna get into the science of time being a relative concept nor will I chat shit about quantum theory. Nope this is not about to get as convoluted as Back To The Future 2 crossed with Inception. I think that pretty much by the time our fragile forms hit their mid-twenties, perhaps a little earlier, most of us have experienced life seemingly travelling at a snails pace when we're young. Transversely the months appear to have sped up to a ludicrous rate as we get older. Now when you consider this it seems understandable, when you're young you experience things for the first time and even small things can seem like an event thus time appears to pass slower as it's jam packed with firsts. However when you're older not only have you done most things that you're likely to do at least once before but you also have the introduction into your life of the king of all fucking time vampires, Work!
Work ensures that you have more than your fair share of mundane to look forward to once you're in your mid-twenties and this causes you to almost masochistically wish time away in an attempt to make the pain of being metaphorically butt raped by your boss seem as brief as possible. What I truly have trouble fathoming is why when we grow older do we, for the most part, become more understanding and patient. Where as when we're young we have all the time in the world but are as impatient and impulsive as we could possibly be.
So remember the next time you're at the end of a long queue in WHSmith and you finally approach the counter manned by what might as well be a dyslexic chimp and you allow the bubbly toddler to step ahead of you to buy the latest edition of the In the Night Garden magazine. That child isn't giggling wildly just because he or she wishes to find out if the 'will they won't they' sexual tension of Upsy Daisy and Igglepiggle will finally end as it should with a raucous sex scene that would make Ron Jeremy himself wince in disgust. Oh no that little fucker is as smug as can be and chuckling because despite having all the time in the world they just made you wait! You, the guy who all things considered is circling the mortal plug hole of life and that little dribbling mess of cute knows what it did make no mistake!
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